Yet another litmus test

Apparently James Dobson doesn't think Fred Thompson is a Christian, or at least he's not Christian enough.

I have to admit, I love it when wingnuts start to eat their young. Dobson has already pulled this on McCain.

Who will be the next to get up with fleas?

One missing letter, a world of change

"Um, guys? Is it getting a little warm in here?"


(I guess this explains why Steve asked me how to spell sauté and then giggled like a fool when I told him.)

Raintown poets sing this song, doo dah, doo dah

I got a poem accepted by "Raintown Review," by the guest editor Joseph Salemi.

I get so lazy about submitting that often the only thing that gets me moving is hearing word that a particular editor responds quickly.

(Which reminds me, I did the same thing when Mezzo Cammin came out. They were giving responses in a matter of days. I never did hear anything, even after two followup emails.)

Over on Gaz, people were talking about Dr. Salemi giving quick replies, so I jumped at the chance.

The moral of this story? Bad news, good news, tell me NOW.


(And if you know of journals that reply quickly, I'll give you all the nickels I get from the "But that's the point!" poets. Yeah, nuffink.)

Now, that's strange

I was reading a poem on a poetry board. It was in the style of a famous poet, or perhaps would be called a parody (at times, I find it difficult to figure out how people use those terms).

In any case, I loved the poem. It just delighted the pants off me. I wanted to comment on it, and found that I couldn't offer a serious critique for two reasons:

1. I just loved it and didn't care why, and
2. Because the poem was in the style of a different poet, or was a parody, I felt that any comment I could make would have been a waste of time for the poet.

I think that I discovered that I think of poetry as being the entire web of a person's writing, not any individual poem. If I comment on a poem, it's with an eye toward giving that poet as much insight as I'm capable of (which often isn't much) to help them with the next poem, not with the one at hand.

That's a foolish way of thinking. I didn't even know that was my way of thinking until I said it.

The poem was awesome. I did tell the poet that. And then I got all slack-jawed and yokely.

The internets have some strange, strange people

On a message board I frequent, a woman said that she loved her friends and family, but if she could save their lives by donating blood, or bone marrow, or a kidney, she wouldn't do it. Why? Because she's scared of doctors.

Aren't we all? Hell, even doctors are probably scared of doctors.

I'd feel more confident about the world if I hadn't encountered so many crazy people in it.

If I had a nickel...

Why is it that someone will write a boring poem about a boring topic, then when called on it claim that the boringness of the poem is the point?

Critic: The poem is dull and unremarkable.
Poet: That's the point, that the subject is dull and unremarkable.

It makes me want to find a nice marble pillar to smack my head on.

And no, I am not going to point to examples. If you haven't seen this for yourself, you should cherish your pristine eyeballs and rejoice. And send me a nickel.

Bye, Ben

Ben Francisco has been sent down, so I can stop singing.

I think if he gets a call up, I'll call him Bennie.

Bigger news is that Cleveland's #1 starter, CC Sabathia, took a line drive to the wrist. Ouch. I cringe for him and for my team.

Only a week and 2 days until Steve and I go to the home opener! Woo!

Oh, I gave in already

I'm doing NaPo. It's Gabriel's fault.

We have a plan. It'll be fab.

This news? Is good news

It appears that the Republican party has finally fallen out of favor.

Now, perhaps, they can ditch the crazies and the wingnuts and the James Dobsons and perhaps work toward being reasonable people who don't want to drop bombs on anyone who happens to be Muslim and/or gay? That'd be nice.

I left my heart with Ben Francisco

Cleveland has an outfielder named Ben Francisco who is tearing up spring training.

I see or hear his name, and am immediately singing like Tony Bennett.

It's a curse.

I like the guy, but don't want him to make the team, both because there's another player I'd prefer makes it and also because singing that song is driving me insane.

Read read Rose

Rose Kelleher has a wonderful essay up on The Shit Creek Review.

That woman sure can write.

Must. Resist. NaPo.

I see everyone signing up for NaPo and I want to join.

I would regret it.

Would I regret it more than I am currently regretting not joining?

I DON'T KNOOOOOOOW!

Where's the engineer?

My train of thought regarding poetry boards has apparently jumped the track and the engineer is currently sunning on a beach somewhere. Still wearing his stripey hat, of course.

I didn't intend to drop the issue the way I have done. You'd be surprised how hard it is to lever these things back onto their wheels, though.

The news about John Edwards

I'm not what you'd call a fan of John Edwards, mostly because he still seems like a cipher to me.

But I'm very saddened by the news of his wife's illness.

Already, the vipers are out, screaming that he's pulling a Gingrichian maneuver on his wife. Like Edwards or dislike him, there's no justification for despising his choices in this, no matter which way he decides to go.

Bah.

Poets in the wild

When I encounter people on poetry boards, or on poetry blogs, and they say, "I write poetry!" I feel a kinship.

When I encounter people on general boards, or on the street, and they say, "I write poetry!" I feel only fear and dismay. It makes me want to flee the scene with my hands clapped over my ears.

Now, I'll grant that I am abnormally, nay freakishly, chicken. Still, I'm more alarmed by poets in the wild, outside of the poetic zoos of poetry boards and journals, than I would be by a wolverine dancing the lambada on my bed.

Rules for shunning

Someone found my blog by searching for "rules for shunning." I am so gonna write some.

1. First you find a reason to shun.
2. If you can't find a reason to shun, you make one up.
3. Proceed to shun.

Yeah, I think this needs a little work.

I think I'd rather set my money on fire

So, the Jeep has a light. The light says, "You're in 4 wheel drive!" The light is, however, wrong.

It will cost me $225 to get a light that's right.

I think I will just put up with the light. After all, I put up with Steve, and he's always wrong, too.

Can I bribe the CW?

My Ronnie is out on hiatus.
My Ronnie's not on my TV.
My Ronnie is out on hiatus.
Oh bring back my Ronnie to me!

Will "Veronica Mars" be renewed? Will Ronnie be with the FBI? Will they find a way to fit her dad into the picture? Will I clutch at the CW with my clutchy clutching hands? Oh, yes I will.

Premier issue of Mimesis

I'm very proud to be part of this premiere issue of Mimesis. Thanks for the opportunity, James.

I'm especially happy that a poem I really wanted to place was chosen.

My VisualDNA

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Don't laugh. It's rude.

My bracket?

So busted.

Though I've only lost one game so far today. I picked a major upset that didn't happen. Damn you, North Texas! I shake my tiny fists in your general direction.

White Sox fans, how do you bear it?

Ken Harrelson? KEN HARRELSON!

I'm trying to watch pre-season baseball on WGN, and my old, dormant hatred of him is erupting.

My god. I don't think it would be possible for another play-by-play guy to out-obnoxious Hawk Harrelson.

He's on mute. Which reminds me, baseball sure is purty and green, even in the desert.

Not quite a dozen

Beau Blue suggested I record some poems in order to stop being (in my words, not his) such a weenie. He suggested a dozen. I ran out of steam after 7.

The audio should stream if you click on the blue arrows. Clicking on the names will launch your default mp3 player instead.

Arrest
Aside
Batlet
Legend
Lens
Rung
Sprung

This is dedicated to the one I lurrrve

I don't normally dedicate poems to anyone. I have a handful that were written and dedicated at the time, and of those a couple baffle me. Why did I dedicate them? Why these particular poems for these particular people?

It's hard to know what I was thinking five minutes ago, let alone five years. Gah!

The cons of publishing

So my mother asked me when my next book was coming out, and I didn't have much of an answer since I'm not doing much writing.

Then she said, "Oh, well, everyone is really looking forward to it, if it's more cheerful."

Nothing like a little "if" to brighten your day.

Some days, I'm proud of my book. Other days, I regret doing it. Today is one of the regretful days. Thanks, Mom.

NaPoWriMo is a-comin' in

I probably won't be participating this year, as my desire just isn't there.

But those of you who are feeling all poetic and stuff should start sharpening your pencils. A poem a day for a month. You can do it!

Why am I obsessing over stuff?

Well, the obvious answer is that I'm an obsessive freak.

But I think the truer answer is just that I'm bored and I need a project. But it needs to be a project I can do with a broken, whimpering brain.

I could have crocheted Larry some slippers, but then Rik made me kill him.

Larry has gone to the big llama pen in the sky

Larry was driving Rik crazy, and I'd prefer not to drive people crazy, so he's been banished!

Poetry boards issue 6--getting out of the rut

Designing the perfect poetry board is a contentious issue. I'm going to take a couple of unpopular stands. Debate is welcome.


Resolved: Most people who stick with a single board will eventually stagnate.

When you're new to writing, hearing all of the different voices and ideas is intoxicating. Like newborns, we grow so quickly at this stage just from exposure to all of that stimuli.

But I think there comes a point for most of us where we have to leave the workshop, or at least leave any particular workshop where we've established ourselves, and change things up.

It seems sometimes as if poetry skill is almost like a gelatin. The constant heat of the workshop makes it liquid, able to conform to various shapes but unable to withstand pressure. Leaving the workshop allows a poet to firm up her own thoughts in the absence of so much noise. At that point, the workshop changes, becoming more of a taste test for the lime Jell-O in the shape of a penguin. (I will stretch this analogy until it breaks!)

I don't think poets outgrow workshops in general, though I do think some workshops foster a sense of childish dependence and paternalism through condescending moderation and rigid hierarchies. The constant refrain of "You can't..." or "You must..." or "Only we can..." becomes an excuse to avoid risk. Eventually we all have to learn that simply following the rules won't net art, and only some of us can do that within the comforting confines of a workshop.

Poetry boards issue 5--immoderate moderators

Designing the perfect poetry board is a contentious issue. I'm going to take a couple of unpopular stands. Debate is welcome.


Resolved: Nothing ruins a board faster than bad moderators.

I know. I was one.

Actually, I doubt this is an unpopular stand. I think we all know that bad moderating is deadly, but we might all disagree what bad moderating is.

What might be unpopular is my contention that moderators shouldn't post poetry or crits. Their words get too much weight by the power of the name tag, and many if not most mods aren't especially gifted in either poetry or critique.

The best solution I've seen for the problem of moderating is on a board where I am a paid moderator. The level of professionalism there is very high. No one wants to lose their position, and real money is way more fun than fake power.

If you post anonymously

If you could just stick a signature at the end of the post, that would help avoid any confusion. I can't force you to use your real name, but even "Baron Humperdinck" would help everyone keep everyone else straight.

Major blogger fu

I've managed to lose Issue 5--immoderate moderators. Bah. I knew better than to compose it in the window.

The blog is being goofy. No idea who will ever see this.

Poetry boards issue 4--conflict is necessary

Designing the perfect poetry board is a contentious issue. I'm going to take a couple of unpopular stands. Debate is welcome.


Resolved: A poetry board without conflict is just a teaparty.

Argument, debate, dissent, these are what force us to think about our own arguments and statements. A poetry board that stifles debate is a board that will, and should, die.

Debate stifling can be done through many avenues. Deleting posts. Banning users. Creating rules within rules. Shunning. The pressure can be subtle or intense. But when the goal of the board is getting along, the users start to go along. This is closely related to issue 2, but can be even more deadly. The homogenization of a board is its doom. Oh, it might stagger along with imperialistic efficiency for a while, but its utility will disappear.

The only way to combat argument is through argument.

On a completely different note

Never look up the Blue Book value of a car you haven't paid off yet. Ouch.

Poetry boards issue 3--is there anybody out there?

Designing the perfect poetry board is a contentious issue. I'm going to take a couple of unpopular stands. Debate is welcome.


Resolved: The most important feature of a poetry board is the community.

It's not the poetry, and it's not the crits. It's being able to be in the same room (virtually or literally) with a bunch of people for whom poetry is something special. I think you could have a spectacular poetry board where no one ever posted a poem so long as people were talking about poetry, or being poets talking about things other that poetry. Because poetry is so damned lonely. And if you can't get a sense that there are people behind the words, you can have a tough time figuring out where your own identity fits in.

Poetry blogs are precious to me, but they can make it difficult to follow a conversation. Things become less linear, which makes jumping in difficult. Who knows whom? Who has seen what? It's too hard to build a community this way.

Simply knowing that someone else is out there is perhaps the biggest boon of the internet era. Someone is reading it, so write it.

Poetry boards issue 2--critiquing critiques

Designing the perfect poetry board is a contentious issue. I'm going to take a couple of unpopular stands. Debate is welcome.


Resolved: Poets and others should be able to critique the critiques.

This is a big change for me, but hey! I like change.

Everything posted to a poetry forum should be up for debate: Rules, poems, critiques, recipes, and photographs of Great Aunt Beelzebub the Lesser Demon.

Many critiques are worthless exercises in nitpickery and general ineptitude, offered with various motives. Those offered with good motives should be glad to hear if their crit is useless. Those with bad motives should be smacked.

If a poet can't accept criticism, I want to know that up front. Having Ruben grit his teeth and remain silent while he rejects any comments that don't kiss his ass doesn't tell me that I shouldn't bother to comment. Only his reactions tell me if I'm wasting my time. If he throws a fit, I can stop commenting without having a moderator hold my hand or make a rule to punish him (there is definitely a theme here). If I still want to comment, well, that's my own risk--I'm risking my critique being revealed as garbage. If I can't handle that, maybe I should just shut up.

I know boards have this policy in place to try to encourage critiques, but critiquing has to be its own reward. Too many crits are lazy, sloppy, and only offered out of duty (see issue 1). The only way to hold such critics responsible is to make them answerable to the poet.

And I've found that usually it's the really snotty crits that garner the most reaction. Imagine that. If you make any attempt at friendliness, it's generally returned. When it isn't, leave that poet to his own devices. It really is that simple most of the time.

Poetry boards issue 1--reciprocal critique

Designing the perfect poetry board is a contentious issue. I'm going to take a couple of unpopular stands. Debate is welcome.


Resolved: Reciprocal critique is worthless.

Yes, it's nice when someone offers comments or critique on a poem, and it's true that some people are way more likely to post poem after poem without commenting on anyone else's if they have the chance.

So many boards institute reciprocal critique policies, insisting on 3 (or more) crits per poem posted.

All this does is increase the number of worthless, gibbering crits offered through a sense of duty.

What's worse, it creates a market in a sense for the appallingly bad poems that would otherwise slip to the bottom of the page unremarked. So what if Ruben posts poems and not critique. The poem is the point, isn't it? Is generating critique an end or simply a means to an end? I say it's the latter, with the end (hopefully, if improbably) the creation of good poems. Critiquing and criticism, and reading in general, hones the craft, but not only can't you hone a clump of dirt, you can't hone with a clump of dirt. Forcing people into roles they have no ability for simply creates more mediocrity, and more noise.

If Ruben posts too many poems without giving anything back to the community (which is ludicrous if the poems are any good, since that's a gift to the community already) then people can just stop reading Ruben's poems and commenting on them. If they feel it's necessary to be "fair," then they can just go right ahead and be fair without moderators forcing them into it. If Ruben writes good poems, Ruben should be welcome to post them.

Some good emails and comments

In addition to the comments on the posts below, I've gotten a number of emails about my poetry board questions. I'm still trying to tease out some common themes, though I can say that moderation seems to be one of the biggies. That is, moderation as in personnel, not moderation as in "All things in..."

In the meantime, check out this post on Very Like a Whale dealing with the same issue.

Poetry boards continued, sound files

One aspect of poetry workshopping that no one seems to be taking advantage of yet is sound. Gaz tried it briefly a few years back. I know I talked about it on pffa.

Using sound files really emphasizes the sounds in a poem. Reading your own work aloud makes a huge difference. I wish one of the big forums would embrace sound now that so many people have the ability to listen to streaming audio on our superfast internet connections.

If I hear that again, I'm biting someone

"Halfrican-American." It's a concoction by the unlovely Rush Limbaugh to smear Barack Obama.

And then it's repeated by the dittoheads and the racists... but I repeat myself.